it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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