its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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