So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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