If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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