I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
