I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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