Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
