You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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