I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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