i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
