I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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