She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
