I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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