We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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