what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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