she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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