we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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