Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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