i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize