all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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