Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
