white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
