Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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