I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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