He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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