you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
