Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
