ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
