there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
