so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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