Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
