I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
