Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
