I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
