Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
