If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
