Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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