what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
