Betty ford says i'm here all night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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