first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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