You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My liver just had a heart attack.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
