im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize