I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
