Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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