Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
