Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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