Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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