at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
