Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
