FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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