shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
