okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
