We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
