Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
