she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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