I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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