my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
