doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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