you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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