so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
