That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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