I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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