I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
