I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize