His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
