I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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