I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
