Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
