I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
