physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
