Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize