you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
