The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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