I'm jealous of your bromance
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm bleeding and have questions
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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