I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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