Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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