the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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