oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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