Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
