I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
