We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
