that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
