Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
