I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
