oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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