Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
