there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
