i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
