My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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