my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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