Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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