Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
