She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
