Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
