she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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