he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
