That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
