thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
