Ambien. No doubt about it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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