If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
