Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
