Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
