to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
