it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
