Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
