he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
