I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
