Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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